The ongoing fashion for travel combined with rapidly developing communication systems has meant that long distance relationships are a way of life for many couples. And yet you still find that a lot of people (mainly concerned friends and pessimistic family members) are sceptical about the arrangement, stating that distance is just too big an obstacle to overcome in the long term. However, with perseverance, wilfulness and forward planning, I think anyone can make this kind of relationship work, whether they’re in London dating or in Lisbon dating. Here are some key dos and don’ts to keep your relationship running…
DO speak to each other every dayFrequent communication is essential to every long distance relationship. It’s all too easy to get caught up at work or with your friends and you might unintentionally get into the habit of forgetting to pick up the phone. But the core of every relationship is communication, so if you’re not talking, something’s not right. That’s when an even bigger distance begins to grow between you. So, whether it’s a text message or a three-hour-long phone call, make sure you speak every day. Expense shouldn’t be used as an excuse here as there are plenty of ways to communicate for next to nothing – particularly over the internet using the genius of programmes such as
Skype.
DON’T let yourself get paranoidIt’s one thing to speak to your partner every day, but it’s another to be constantly checking up on them. Greater distance necessarily creates mystery around each other’s actions and therefore an increased paranoia. Because of this, trust is so important – you should always try to trust whoever you’re
dating until they give you a very good reason not to. Just because you’re far apart doesn’t mean they’re going to be unfaithful. Control your paranoia and stop yourself calling up every five minutes to ask subtle questions about their new friends on Facebook.
DO plan your time together carefullyLet’s face it – online communication and telephone calls just won’t cut it for very long. You need to try to see each other at least once a month – human contact is very important! Obviously, the regularity of your visits will depend on how far apart you’re living, but whenever the next one is, make sure you’ve planned every aspect of the trip. Get out the calendar and agree on which dates suit you both –
book tickets months in advance to save money and spend the rest of the time planning your time together. With so much to prepare, you’ll find that you miss them just a little bit less, and the time between visits passes more quickly.
DON’T be a slave to your relationshipWhile it’s good to try to see each other often, don’t put the relationship before every other priority. Maintaining your own independence is also important. If there’s a family wedding or a big presentation at work to prepare for, don’t be afraid to re-arrange plans – they’ll be fine with it as long as you explain yourself.
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ny156uk on Flickr
DO try to find a way to change thingsAlways be thinking and working towards changing things. If the relationship is serious, one of you will need to take a big step at some point. The possibility of you living in the same town or even under the same roof should always be the ultimate goal.
DON’T take any big steps before you’re readyWhile you should keep an open mind about overcoming the problem of distance, don’t feel forced into taking a massive leap before you’re ready. For example, you may be thinking of moving up to where they live, but that doesn’t mean you have to move in together straight away. Distance is a strong motivator and can sometimes make you move too fast.
Stick to these simple rules and you’ll never need
long distance relationship advice again.
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