building trust

im getting serious with my boyfriend who is training to be a pilot and about to move to North Carolina indefinitely. i live in texas. something happened a long time ago b/ of my bf's naivity and now its hard to trust him. ive always have self esteem problems and i often think im not good enough or that he could find someone else. how to i build trust again? i used to trust him completely before that certain incident happened...

Use the time apart to develop yourself and build your self-esteem. Take a class, try a new hobby, or do some volunteer work that will give you a sense of achievement. If you have low self-esteem about your looks, you can work on those too.
Make a conscious decision to trust him, and if you find negative thoughts creeping in then talk to him about your feelings - not in an accusatory way, but sharing your concerns (tip - use 'I' statements - 'I feel like...')

I'm using the time apart (is going to be 3 years!) from my bf to work on a Masters degree - if it works out with him then I will be more free to change jobs to be nearer him, and will be a better partner for having some sort of fulfilment outside the relationship, and if it doesn't work out, well I haven't wasted 3 years just sitting at home and moping for him, but have used the time productively.
We've also made an honesty pact - that if we start developing feelings for somebody closer to home then we will tell as soon as possible, so we can talk about it and decide what to do next. I don't know what to do about sexual jealousy - it's easier to say 'don't think about it' than to do it! But at the end of the day, you have a choice - decide to trust him or drive yourself nuts (and the relationship to an early grave) from jealousy.

[Saralyn]

There is not much else you can do than trust him as was said in the previous post. The real question is if he has been misbehaving or if you have suspected him of doing so since your 'incident'?
Maybe a most extreme option, is to accept the fact that if he does cheat on you (I am not saying he does!) but maybe he is just looking for sex and is just passing the time but still does love you. I really believe that men are different from women in that sense.
But again, express your worries Once (don't harass him), ask him to be frank and then make up your mind. Good luck

[jacobalex]

Hi,
Build a reputation for benevolence, or doing something kind, helpful or useful for someone else. Practice doing something for someone else everyday for no apparent (ulterior motive) reason, and watch your trust build – it could be as simple as a handwritten thank you note. Ever see the movie, “Pay It Forward?” If not, go rent it and watch it for a good example of this tip and principle.
married but seeking

Thanks