lost trust in LDR.How to earn it back?

[verba]

I wont get into a long discussion coz it is a long story. But basically me and my BF have lost trust. I really thought he was cheating because he lied to me about of of his female friends and told me they never had a relationship then I found out they used to have a relationship (i looked at his phone when he was visiting), then after months he brought up that he wanted her and him to be roommates and then I told him that I knew abt their past relationship and did not feel comfortable abt the idea and abt them hanging out.

Well it is a long story but basically we are now in this situation when he hates me fro looking through his phone and for looking at what is going on on his Facebook, and for making it to a point when I would say that i would not like him to hang out with a female friend IF i know she likes him. I do not trust him coz he lied to me in a first place which triggered me looking through his phone and looking at his FB more than I ever would and do all the things i mentioned above. Him wanting to be roommates with her made everything even worse.

Today he wanted to hang out with her and I said i would lot like it and that it would hurt me. IT all ended up badly and I asked him to give that girl my number and i talked to her and actually got a piece of mind but now he is very bitter and mad at me.

WE HAVE NEVER been that way before but ever since I moved to another state for school our relationship was tense. I am 26 and he is 30 and I love him to death and I so do not want to loose him. I know I am not perfect and I am not trying to justify my actions he too has messed up and as of right now it looks like we are doing nothing but pushing each other away and getting so close to a break up that I am afraid to even think about it. I do not want to loose him. I love him very much. When I think about what has been happening I really get so lost and confused to see who I have become all of a sudden and how our relationship have changed. Can somebody help me please and may be someone has been in a situation when you have lost trust in LDR and how you got it back? What are some actual steps that I can take and my BF can take to have our trust back? Coz of course words are good but sometimes are not enough. PLEASE HELP!

[Kimmi_Angel]

Wow, i can realte to this so easily.
I also lost trust in my partner, and did exactly the same things you did. He reacted in a similar way, was really hurt by my looking at his things and angry at me for thinking he would cheat, but i had reasons similar to yours.
What i can say now is that we're very nearly back on track. Its taken about a year, but slowly we've managed to rebuild the trust in our relationship.
I think one of the main things to change to try and make it better was communication. I let things build up for months before i told him i didnt trust him, i should have just explained my feelings from the start, but i guess i didnt think they'd get so strong.
Try to be really open about your feelings when you talk to your bf about things- tell him how you feel, why you are worried and hurting and what you think can be done about it. But try not to blame him compleatly, even if you feel that way now, and think about things from his perspective a bit as well. He should do the same for you.
I was very lucky in my situation, my bf was quite understanding when he saw how much i was hurting. He stopped talking to the girl i was worried about. It made things a bit easier but not compleatly, i was paranoid about all his femail friends after i lost trust in him.
I know it hurt him, but i asked him everyday who he'd spoken to, if he'd got any fb messages and things. It made me feel more in control, but it made him feel like i was pushing him away. Looking back at it, it was quite a dangerous thing to do, he could have so easily have walked away. I guess that proves his love.
I think you really need to start with talking, agree to be totally honest with eachother, agree to treat eachother like you would like to be treated back. I can totally understand you not wanting him to move in with his ex, i would feel exactly the same, i think anyone would.
Heres a like i found about trust and jealousy, its a bit strange but once i got my head around it, it helped me
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-JEAL.html
and this one is quite good too, just about LDRs in general
http://hubpages.com/hub/5-Long-Distance-Relationship-Ideas-You-Dont-Want-to-Miss-These

Something else i had to do was to stop looking at his phone and fb. It was really hard. i wanted to know what was going on all the time, who he was talking to, what about, if he was trying to keep things from me and so on. But i did it. I did explain how i felt to him though, and i did tell him to expect me to ask questions about what he'd done in the day and things. We both found it difficult, but we got there in the end.
I really hope it works out for you, i think love is worth fighting for, so dont give up without a fight!

Kim X